


To Hold You Close

by levicas



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 16:55:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6087409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levicas/pseuds/levicas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan isn't the only one who has nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Hold You Close

He's awake. He can't sleep, never can, not when Adam gets like this. Because it's worse, so much worse, than Ronan's own nightmares. He can deal with the horrible things he sees behind his own eyelids when he closes them. The trees, the hornets. The night terrors aren't so bad, either, not after he'd learnt that they probably wouldn't kill him. Ultimately, they just were an extension of himself, like Chainsaw.

And he's dealt with pain. Real pain, not the stuff from his nightmares. His father's death, his mother shutting down, being estranged from the place he had grown up and loved. Fighting with Declan, because even if he is a dick he's still family.

Anything that gets thrown at him, he can bear it. 

But the one thing he can't deal with is seeing Adam Parrish in pain. He's sleeping next to Ronan, curled in on himself, and shaking. Eyes squeezed tightly closed, body taut like a bow ready to shoot. He's impossible to wake like this, gripped tightly within the throes of his dreams. Ronan's tried before. It just seems to make him more distressed. 

So Ronan does what he can, and what he can do is wrap his arms loosely around Adam's fragile body - never too tightly, wouldn't want Adam to feel constricted - and press kisses into the back of his neck until he calms, or wakes. Sometimes he murmurs reassurances, hoping that somewhere inside his head Adam can hear him.

_It's okay, Parrish. You're safe._

Ronan isn't sure he wants to know what makes Adam so afraid at night. He assumes it's something to do with his father, or maybe Cabeswater and its constant attempts to make him understand. He's seen the results of that first hand, and it's enough to give anybody nightmares.

Perhaps it's something to do with Gansey, or Noah, or Blue. Maybe it's him. He doesn't know what he'd do if it was him. 

He doesn't think Adam is frightened of him, or for him, even subconsciously, but the worry is always there, niggling at the back of Ronan's mind. Adam is so good - he's honest and intelligent and his face harbours a beauty that's so ethereal it's almost alien. 

And Ronan, well, he's the opposite. It's not that he doesn't think he's good - Adam and Gansey and even Matthew have told him he is, and even if they hadn't he's always known he's not bad. He's different, but so is Adam. Adam is magic, and light and purity. Sometimes it pains Ronan deep inside his chest that Adam can't always see that about himself.

It makes him angry, angry at Adam's asshole of a father who made him feel so lonely. Made him feel worthless. Sometimes he still flinches when Ronan moves too sharply - probably doesn't even realise he's doing it - and it feels like a knife slicing through Ronan's skin.

He would never hurt Adam. He couldn't do it, it would be like hurting himself. 

He wishes he could take all of Adam's pain and sadness and hold it within himself. Not forever - Adam wouldn't allow that, he owns his misery like he owns his pride - just long enough to alleviate some of the heaviness in his eyelids. 

Ronan would set the world alight if it meant seeing Adam walk the world unburdened. He'd cut out his own heart and hand it to him if he thought it would help him sleep better at night.

Adam stirs. Sobs. Ronan pulls him closer, holds his hand. Wraps their fingers around each other.

"You're safe," he says. He kisses Adam's ear lobe. Adam shivers and takes in a deep, wet breath. His breathing slows, but he's still shaking. Trembling, like he doesn't know how to stop. He sniffs, and Ronan knows he's awake.

Ronan doesn't want to see the tears on his face. And he wants to wipe them away and kiss the tracks they make along his cheeks.

Wordlessly, Adam turns within the confines of Ronan's embrace so he can bury his head in Ronan's broad shoulder. Winds his legs around Ronan's hips. Pulls him close and holds him tight.

"You okay?" Ronan asks, because he needs to hear Adam say it out loud before he can quell the dull panic that's been lurking in the pit of his stomach for the past two hours.

Adam nods against his shoulder. "Yeah. Bad dream."

"I get it," Ronan says, because he does. "You're safe now." He rolls onto his back, pulling Adam on top of him. He likes that he can do this, likes that Adam is slender and light enough that he could carry him to the ends of the Earth if needs be.

"I know," Adam says, because he does.


End file.
